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sublingua | |||||
| The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.) | The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.) | The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.) | |||
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Step Into The Moment
I went to Judi's last night to say goodbye to Cooper. Judi, who is against my going to Japan in the first place, but who won't say anything specifically, said instead, "You know, Cooper's not going to last much longer." And, "He's not going to be around when you get back." It was guilt, guilt, guilt. And not that I'd let the potential death of Judi's dog keep me from going--I mean, my grandmother is just about death-bound at this point and I'm still going--but dealing with that guilt just about made me nuts. So Max and I went to her place, took several pictures of all of us together and many of me and Cooper, and then I came home and went right to bed. I got up this morning, about one a.m., couldn't sleep. I had received an email from one of the teachers at The Kaisha branch where I'm headed. I worked on a return email, then wrote an entry for my other blog, the one that mom and everyone has access to. I wrote about yen (the money and not yen, the yearnings). I napped for a bit from about six a.m. until seven or so when Max called to plan for yoga. I thought I'd be able to make it to yoga, but in the parking lot, I knew it wasn't going to happen. Every week Be says something along the lines of "Bring awareness to the path of your breath and step into it." She means: Be present. She means: This is the moment. Be in it. And the only way my tired ass is getting on a plane to Tokyo in a week and a half is if I continue to live outside the moment. If I have to face the sadness over leaving...I'll leave anyway, but it'll make it much harder. I had to cancel today's going-away party and plan next Saturday's going away party, and, as I hadn't heard back from Barry, I had to call him. Calling people is stressful, so I put it off and put it off and put it off, and finally called and spoke to his wife. He called later, while I was shopping for shoes, to say that we should have lunch together. He's the man who introduced me to Edo, the man I'm going to marry, so I figure I can buy the guy a slice, a'ight? I've been reading an Aomori JET's blog. She bills herself as "a sistah in Japan" and she's a lesbian vegan, which pretty much makes her one of a kind. She lives boldly, even in Japan, and I aim to follow her lead. It's late, Demons. I'm tired and I've eaten too much sugar. I ran into Joseph and Denah tonight and invited them (along with the Studio) to my sayonara pa-ti next Saturday. I am grateful. For every moment, whether I am present or not. Goodnight, moon.
More lies:
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