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sublingua | |||||
| The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.) | The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.) | The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.) | |||
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Really Going
A very early morning begun when Lew, answering the call of the wild backyard, flapped open the dog door. The unfamiliar sound woke me, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I lay in bed for about forty-five minutes, finally getting out of bed at about three-thirty a.m. to eat some breakfast and feed Lew. It was a bad morning emotionally. I had woken from a complicated dream that I don't now recall the details of, but the waking/lingering image is of clockworks, so large as to seem dangerous. The forty-five minutes I spent in bed were spent thinking of how much remains to be done in preparation for departure and of Edo. After breakfast, I drank a half a pot of coffee (yes, I did figure out the complicated coffeemaker), a cup of tea that I had made while waiting for the coffee to brew, and a half liter of water. I ran on the treadmill. I read a beautiful story in The New Yorker by Murakami Haruki. I tried to cry (not over the story) but couldn't. I lay on the couch until six-thirty when Max called. We talked. I called him back an hour later. Bring soy nut butter, animal crackers, and hugs, I said. He did, arriving in his work clothes. When it was light enough, I went out and played frisbee with Lew. I went to The Casita, took a shower, then a nap. Leaving The Casita, the phone rang. It was The Demon Who Always Does The Right Thing. We talked. On Friday, when her finals are done, she's going to visit her parents. I'm taking her to the airport. Last Friday, I drove Kel and Kev to the airport. We were in Kev's station wagon. He drove there and I and had this strange moment when they hopped out of the car and left the keys in the ignition. I'm so unused to having people just trust that it felt like I should offer some assurance of my trustworthiness to them even though their minds were not in the least occupied with the fate of the car or of my trustworthiness. No, they were already unloading luggage, mentally already moving through the sliding glass doors into the airport, boarding flights. They hugged me goodbye and rushed to meet their thoughts inside... It's good karma to trust, and Kel and Kev have good karma in spades. I'm lucky to have this time with them, near them, in their space. I can see how they arrange their lives, see how they take or don't take things. I want their approach to rub off on me. I want that kind of trust that allows you, me, them, to move through the world with some assurance that comes with trust. Kel can charm her way through everything and both her and Kev's easy-going approach puts in the karmic black everytime. I want that. And you know what else I want? Something sweet. I'm having massive sugar cravings this afternoon, having started the morning with animal crackers... Lew sits at my feet as I write this at Kev and Kel's computer. Max is on his way. I went this morning and bought three books (an academic's way of preparing for departure): a guide to Tokyo, a guide to Tokyo's trains, a guide to Tokyo's streets. I'm really going.
More lies:
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