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sublingua | |||||
| The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.) | The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.) | The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.) | |||
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part XIII: failing that
dearest, rest assured that i would never mention what i know of the stephen's life to the stephen--or to anyone else for that matter. i know firsthand how crucial it is that these things remain confidential and it certainly isn't my place to confront him with this. not that the opportunity is likely to arise, as he un-endeared himself to my new landlord when he built a shed that blocked most of the windows of one of the apartments. (she said, "he's a really nice guy, but we've had this. . .dispute.") also in the confidential files is the ama & lea thing--which had, incidentally, been going on for almost six years. i don't suppose that leah would mind you knowing, but i don't know how much ama wants any of us to know even now. as for the sophistica 0 kelvin (sophistica o'kelvin? i'm liking it as a transvestite name) feat, i think this is a mayflower thing. you might ask her. of course, i only ever found you under the definition of charming in the mirriam-websters. however, one must admit that one is able, under certain circumstances to put the kibosh on the natterings of various nabobs. at will. and the x spider thing? honey, he's spinning a web. around you. (and i sound like one of those valentines that little kids give each other--the ones with the little envelopes and the cute little pictures on them of maminals like lions saying things like, "i'm not lion--i like you!") but ma'am, you've gotten the admissions. you've met the 'rents. you know the adjustment protocols. and. and. and. enough said for the moment. except perhaps for the fact that four out of five experts agree that this is sophistica specific. it certainly has not been deemed fit for the general x consuming public, so there is no other conclusion. so you're not a buddhist friend, but maybe you're in the buddhist friend running? never having seen the x in conversion mode, i can't say. i don't know. i'm going to shut up now. i am so scattered these days, dearest. what's getting me through this is the not thinking thing. and max is a mess, won't talk about it really, and it worries me that he might go off and engage in some dangerous behavior as we have all been wont to do when we are hurt and can't express it otherwise. + a few days: opera last night with the boys (max, x and neo)--cosi fan tutti, of course. it was quite an evening, let me tell you. x brought along gin and tonics fixings and mixed them in a mason jar and then proceeded to carry the mason jar all over the place--into the lecture before the opera, into the opera house--drinking, drinking until he was like this hilarious and badly performed rat packer imitation (the tie-less shirt and pinstriped suit didn't hurt), perhaps sammy davis jr. we spoke of the buddhist thing. i asked him if he would abandon the buddhist practice under the right circumstances, and he said, "of course." and i asked what the criteria were for the abandonment of the buddhist practice and he said, "it depends on the other person." and that was an interesting and confusing statement, yeah? and then he asked why i was asking and then i said something vague about women and buddhism and how women, i think, pick buddhists based not on their suitability for non-buddhist activities, but solely on the buddhist qualities that they possessed. and i don't think that meant a lot to him, but he admitted that that wasn't the case with him at least. (don't know what this adds to the buddhist discussion at hand, but it is interesting information at least.) so we saw the opera and then on the drive home, x insisted on jesus jones, which no one would agree to, so we listened to the radio (with x at one point singing along loudly and gleefully to "ABC", that song by the jackson five is it?). no, he wasn't driving. max was driving. and max? max was in a foul mood. okay, not foul, but not good, you know? and i know that the whole time the leaving situation was on his mind and he still can't talk about it or won't, which is understandable, but worrisome. still. and neo was his usual self. as usual. only everyone was slightly better dressed than usual and only slightly better behaved.
later: well, the semester is drawing to a close. and what a semester it's been, huh? i think i've learned more in this semester than any other. anyway, that doesn't mean that i have to take finals, and so i should go and study for those. wish me luck-- your, sublingua
More lies:
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