The heart with a mind of its own.

(Be present.)

The mind with a heart of its own.

(It's past.)

The dream that is your waking life.

(Go there now.)

my head space

Gut morn'--School was called today on account of snow. Thank god. I was just about to drown in biological chemistry, a class which I'm not even taking for my own health. Today I'm going to stay home and do homework for a while, then I'm going to go to the studio and do clay for a while. I've been doing a lot of carving recently (M finally got off his ass and threw me some vases to carve...) last night's success was a vase with a labia and vaginal opening that I called ANANSI after the voodoo word that relates to women (or maybe even names women...I don't know) because some clueless man said, "Oh, I see what it is now that you said what it is, but before I thought it was spiders." Oh, I guess I should say that the very little I know about Anansi names spiders as female or perhaps spiders as the symbol for women. I don't know. (I do know that my favorite Greek myth, which I first encountered when I was around six, was about Arachnea who challenged Athena to a weaving contest and produced a better weaving than Athena did, whereupon Athena turned her into a spider and her weaving into a web.) I've been carving a lot of female things. It turns out that labia are very fun to carve and shape; very simple and complex at the same time and something that people don't necessarily expect to see gracing a vase. I've also been doing a number of vases with overlapping I don't know what to call them--waves, maybe--because M said that he liked them. I don't know that I like them, but I like pleasing him, which is one of the main reasons that I "do clay" in the first place. Although I think my stuff is original, I probably wouldn't have stuck with doing it if he hadn't enjoyed it so much. Now, it turns out that I have some talent, as does he, and I am also hooked. Besides reading, I have never really had a hobby before, and I am amazed at how much time and money one can spend on such an activity.

I write little about school, no? School is generally going well, I think. I say this because we haven't hit the first round of big tests yet, although I have had a couple of short quizzes in my calculus class. I have some amazing women teaching me calculus this semester. One is a woman who thinks very fast and speaks very fast and who loves math. I think she is incredible. The other is this incredibly talented, young and beautiful Brazilian woman who TA's the class and teaches the recitation sections. She is alot of fun in a non-American sort of way, which is nice and which confuses the little nineteen year old frat boys in the class who can't impress her sophisticated self with their stories of drinking too much and throwing up. Mature boys, no?

My other classes are going okay. I have some vague sense that all is not well in them somehow, but I don't know how much of that to attribute to the fact that it's been several days since my last dose of Zoloft. Things could be rosy, but I have no drug to tell me so, and this slight headache is not doing anything but tinting everything with a sort of sneaky pain.

retreat or surrender

More lies:
Waking Sleeping Demons II - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2011
Waking Sleeping Demons - Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011
time - Friday, May. 20, 2011
- - Wednesday, Oct. 06, 2010
The Return - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2010