|The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.)||The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.)||The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.)|
More Dinner Conversation
Dinner at Ka's house, participants (Da's coworkers) described in last night's entry. We played 2 truths and a lie game and my truths were: I spent a summer collecting ants. I graduated magna cum laude. My lie: I was an extra on a kid's show. Only one person spotted my lie. The others thought I could never have graduated mcl.
Lo telling me at some point that her husband "loved me" because I suggested (at Co and Yu's wedding reception) that I would do something to him that he really enjoyed. What a joke. Absolute rubbish and disgusting to boot. Who knows what I said; I have no recollection of suggesting anything to him and if I did, it was certainly to get a laugh or for shock value.
I carry around this handbag filled with resentment at these people, Da's "friends" for whom I must perform. That persona that takes so much energy for me to put into play so that no one knows the real me. (That is only for me to know. I am a selfish child with my secret, real self clutched in grimy fingers.)
My jokes are all edges, mean. I am flint-witted.
I eat too much to swallow resentment.
I establish dominance early and then ride it out, looking down at the people who allow me to do it. Where is their pride?