The heart with a mind of its own.

(Be present.)

The mind with a heart of its own.

(It's past.)

The dream that is your waking life.

(Go there now.)

More Dinner Conversation
Saturday, Oct. 24, 2009

Dinner at Ka's house, participants (Da's coworkers) described in last night's entry. We played 2 truths and a lie game and my truths were: I spent a summer collecting ants. I graduated magna cum laude. My lie: I was an extra on a kid's show. Only one person spotted my lie. The others thought I could never have graduated mcl.


Lo telling me at some point that her husband "loved me" because I suggested (at Co and Yu's wedding reception) that I would do something to him that he really enjoyed. What a joke. Absolute rubbish and disgusting to boot. Who knows what I said; I have no recollection of suggesting anything to him and if I did, it was certainly to get a laugh or for shock value.

I carry around this handbag filled with resentment at these people, Da's "friends" for whom I must perform. That persona that takes so much energy for me to put into play so that no one knows the real me. (That is only for me to know. I am a selfish child with my secret, real self clutched in grimy fingers.)

My jokes are all edges, mean. I am flint-witted.

I eat too much to swallow resentment.

I establish dominance early and then ride it out, looking down at the people who allow me to do it. Where is their pride?

retreat or surrender

More lies:
Waking Sleeping Demons II - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2011
Waking Sleeping Demons - Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011
time - Friday, May. 20, 2011
- - Wednesday, Oct. 06, 2010
The Return - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2010