|The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.)||The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.)||The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.)|
I have had sex with, I think, ten men. Ten is not a large number, but I still donít know if thatís the actual number. I try not to pay too close attention to it. Sometimes I think itís too low. Sometimes I think itís too high.
The first time I had sex, I was fourteen. I later married the man (who self-identifies as gay), though it was many years--and several sexual partnersólater. We have since divorced.
Sex is better when there is love.
The best time didnít include love. I think I loved him later, but the first time we had sex I didnít love him, I was just looking for a last fling before I left the city I was living in. We got very drunk and I propositioned him and we went to a hotel. I didnít orgasm, but it was very, very exciting sex. I think that was mostly because I was the aggressor and was successful at it.
The youngest guy I ever had sex with was ten years younger, in his early 20ís at the time. His enthusiasm for my attention and his attraction to me was flattering. I never felt like the older woman/teacher. I think he wanted me to take that role, but I wasnít into that. I actually loved him, but he didnít love me. I still have very fond memories of him. I fantasize about a life with him though I donít fantasize about sex with him.
The oldest guy I ever had sex with is the man from number 4. He was also married. He was twelve years older than I am and his wife was my age. Because we lived in different countries, most of the time we had phone sex. He would call me from his office and I would be in bed. (Our time zones differed enough that he was awake when I was in bed.) The sex wasnít nearly as exciting when we did have the chance to spend time in the same bed.
I am often mistaken for a dyke, but I only have experience with one woman. I was thirty, she was twenty-three. We kissed and fooled around. I never went down on her or anything, mostly because I felt guilty about having no emotional connection to her. I know she wanted me to care for her and I didnít, so sex was out of the question.
Many of my fantasies are of very young women with much, much older men. I like older men myself. I think men donít get good until their late 40ís/early 50ís and I have fantasies about men in their 60s and 70s.
I watch porn and despise myself for it.
The first time I was ever turned on by another person was when I was about seven and one of my very distant cousins came to visit my grandmother. He was about eleven. He was wearing shorts and he sat on a swing. No, I didnít see his penis, just his inner thigh. It turned me on.
I used to love giving blowjobs, now I hate it. With age comes wisdom, I think.
I am horribly jealous and that boiled up the first time I had a threesome. As long as Iím the center of attention, itís fine. When Iím not, itís like torture.
I used to, when I was younger, masturbate in the bathtub by letting the water run between my legs. I started when I was about eight or nine. I donít do it anymore except on very special occasions. Iíd much rather use my hands.
My first non-bathtub orgasm happened when I was about twelve or so. It was the middle of the afternoon and all my family was at home. I was in my room, started to touch myself and didnít stop. The orgasm surprised me.
I lost my virginity to the Billy Ocean song, ďCaribbean Queen,Ē which is a mortifying fact. We were listening to Billy Joel while we made out. When I realized that we were going to go all the way, I turned on the radio and that song was on. Horrible.