sublingua

The heart with a mind of its own.

(Be present.)

The mind with a heart of its own.

(It's past.)

The dream that is your waking life.

(Go there now.)

Shoulder It
Saturday, Feb. 19, 2005

Shoulder It

I hold a lot of shit in my shoulder. Some it goes back to my childhood, some of it came in yesterday. My shoulder has, in other words, long been a repository for all the stuff I just have not wanted to deal with. And yoga? Ain't having none of it. This morning, we had a pinch-hitter of a yoga instructor, and he had us do a down dog while on our elbows. And my shoulder said we could try it. And then we tried it. And then my shoulder said, um, now we're done trying it and now you're going to cry over it. So, cry I did. I came down out of the down dog and rested in a child's pose. The instructor came over and asked if I was okay, and I managed the word yes, but it was a shaky yes, so he had me lay down on my back. He came around again in a bit to ask again if I was okay, and I said I was fine, everything fine. Thanks. Fine. But it wasn't. Yoga doesn't hurt, but it frightens me when it digs into that shoulder. It frightens me but not needlessly. It hurts, but it's a good hurt. Right? Head straight for the pain is what Pema teaches. And, so, yes, that's what I'll do.

Psychically Yours

Yesterday I kept seeing Mitch on the streets of my little city. Yes, I know that Mitch is off in Thailand, making a nuisance of himself in various refugee camps, but there he was, on the street, over and over again. I started to get angry at him, for no apparent reason. I just wanted him here so that I could argue with him about anything. So that I could use him as my excuse to eat badly and not go to the gym. So that I could touch his face and feel his hands on my body. So that I could not have to carry him around in my shoulder. I was angry for a while, then realized that being angry was just that, so I went on with my day.

And you?

Be Grateful

I am. I am grateful for Mitch, for Max, for Mayflower. I am grateful for Judi, for The Enforcer, for Richard, for Nicole and Steve, for Amanda, for Irysh Erin, for Leah and Luann. I am grateful. I am grateful for shoe sales, for The Brain, for endless cups of coffee. I am grateful for this time, for the rain, for Alberdine, for anger. I am grateful for Japanese, for Sam, for all of it. For my sensei, for Sushi Dave, for Fuji, for apples, for no apparent reason. I am grateful. Thank you, Universe. I hear you calling and this time, I'm going.

retreat or surrender

More lies:
Waking Sleeping Demons II - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2011
Waking Sleeping Demons - Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011
time - Friday, May. 20, 2011
- - Wednesday, Oct. 06, 2010
The Return - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2010

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