sublingua

The heart with a mind of its own.

(Be present.)

The mind with a heart of its own.

(It's past.)

The dream that is your waking life.

(Go there now.)

Speaking Of
Sunday, Dec. 05, 2004

So on Friday I took Max to dinner at the Aisho's new place of employment, a new sushi restaurant of course. They, the restaurant, had just gotten a favorable review in that morning's paper, and the place was jamming. Poor Aisho was totally in it for most of the time we were there, but he still had a few minutes of time to converse with us. We bought him a couple of very large bottles of Japanese beer and taunted him mercilessly about being so busy. He managed to get in some story about having a date that night (I think he was trying to provoke some kind of jealousy with this bit of information and I could smell the confusion coming off of him when I responded to his story with a gleeful, "Well, that's great!") and I teased him later when some plain and/or moderately ugly jane walked in, saying, "Is that her? Should we leave now?" Max turned to scope out the jane, and laughed. Poor Aisho. I really do think it's great that he's out there. I mean, the guy probably has a lot to offer to the right woman, the right woman being a woman who isn't looking for an ambitious guy.

And speaking of ambitious guys: I have a date tomorrow with the guy I met outside the theater on Thanksgiving. He's an ex-marine, spent two years teaching English in Japan, has travelled extensively through southeast Asia, earned his bachelors degree in sociology, and is now going to school for his master's. He's politically active, very liberal politically, and quite cute to boot. So of course you know that I'm already thinking we'll be friends. Just friends, because a guy with so much going for him? Makes me want to flee really. I mean, there isn't enough therapy in the world, you know?

And speaking of therapy: I'm having those second thoughts about beginning therapy again. Because I spent most of my 20's in the grip of a therapist, I know that therapy? Is some seriously hard work. I know that it's going to take some serious hard looking at my life, and things like that are scary. I'm thoroughly ready to abandon what security I've amassed in the last year, but it's still a frightening proposition, howevermuch I want it. The second thoughts stem mostly from the stuff that I want to explore in therapy: body, sex, and sexuality issues. Yikes.

And speaking of Yikes:

I am grateful. I am grateful for the Aisho (even though I turned down the invitation to go to his house). I am grateful for the studio. I am grateful for Martin, for Lynn, for Max. I am grateful for Judi, for Frida, for dreams. I am grateful. I am grateful for the changing symbols, for this time, for my life. I am grateful for rain. I am grateful. I am grateful and this is how I express my humility. I am grateful and this is how I express my obedience. I am grateful.

retreat or surrender

More lies:
Waking Sleeping Demons II - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2011
Waking Sleeping Demons - Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011
time - Friday, May. 20, 2011
- - Wednesday, Oct. 06, 2010
The Return - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2010

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