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sublingua | |||||
| The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.) | The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.) | The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.) | |||
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Sushi and Bondage Porn
Sushi dinner tonight at a new place in the Heights with x, xbry, Mayflower, The Enforcer, Armand. x calls beforehand to see if I want to carpool, but I've taken Frida out and am already in the restaurant parking lot. I talk with x while he puts on his shoes. He tells me that he used to date a woman who rode and that the only time he was ever on the back of a bike was with her. At dinner, I catch him looking at me several times. May drinks and at one point tells me to shut up. I don't know why this enrages me, but it does. I don't like it when people say this "jokingly." (I also hate it when people "jokingly" flip each other off or tell each other "Fuck you.") I'm fed up with May for several reasons not the least of which is that she, at the end of dinner, follows me out of the restaurant and, while I am putting on my gear, grabs my ass. But she and I went shopping for porn yesterday. She scored a couple of videos for herself and I bought a pack of gay mags for Max. (I passed up a bisexual video, not wanting to spend the $20 on video porn, as it so quickly loses its appeal to me after a few sessions and then there is always the problem of getting rid of the porn. I mean, you can always toss it out (and I used to date a garbage man who had an extensive porn collection, culled from the porn that people had tossed out), but that is never a very satisfying proposition to me, to spend money on porn that just goes into the garbage. Well, garbage in, garbage out, I guess.) Instead, I split up the pack of mags with Max, and ended up with a gay bondage porn mag that was not so much exciting as it was disgusting and scary. It had a lot of pictures of hot guys in ropes and all I could think about was this book I've been reading (Sexual Homicide: Patterns and Motives by Robert K. Ressler and John E. Douglas), in which one of their examples is a serial killer who advertised for models. He'd say that he was photographing women in bondage for some magazine, then he'd tie them up, rape them, and kill them. John Wayne Gacy, too, used to put men in handcuffs and rape and kill them (or kill and then rape them in some instances, I believe). And that just scares the hell out of me. I don't find bondage exciting. I just find it scary and wierd. Anyway, after dinner, we all went off to a coffeehouse for coffee and desserts. I just had coffee and a few bites of Max's dessert as I had eaten way too much at dinner. I'm at a comfortable weight right now--about 155--and want to stay here, so that means no more desserts for a while. Now it's time for bed, then lots of cardio tomorrow to work off the sushi dinner.
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