sublingua

The heart with a mind of its own.

(Be present.)

The mind with a heart of its own.

(It's past.)

The dream that is your waking life.

(Go there now.)

Reality? Check.
Wednesday, Oct. 27, 2004

Reality? Check.

So off I go to return my movies (late, as usual). Hottie refuses at first to hit me with a late fee (as usual), but I press for a dollar amount, suggesting that I will never learn to bring back movies on time if there are no penalties. He agrees to charge me .50 per movie. (The usual rate is $1). I hand over a $20, but there isn't enough change in the drawer. I tell him I'll be back.

I walk over to the nearby co-op where I pick up a couple of bananas, some chocolate extract, soy flour (for the BikerChow, don't cha know), and an energy bar. I get change for the $20.

Back at the rental place, there is a girl talking to Hottie. She's real familiar to him. Girlfriend kind of familiar. While I wait to pay the late fee that I've insisted on, she says, "So call me when you get off work, okay?" He agrees.

Hottie's got a girlfriend. Damn.

I smile, pay, leave.

I have, in my bag, two pieces of mail: The latest Aerostitch catalogue (biker stuff, don't cha know) and a Harley-Davidson catalogue (more biker stuff, don't cha know). I want to peruse them at my leisure, so I head off to a nearby coffeehouse. While I'm standing in line, I hear a woman say to the man she's with, "Two dates? Is it that computer thing?"

I look over. No, it's not one of the guys I've agreed to meet for coffee, but it is someone whose face has come up in the "This could be your perfect match!" email that the online dating service I've subscribed to sent out to me. He's short, slightly balding, wearing these brown loafers that kind of come to a pointy tip and are embossed with an alligator pattern. But that's not what causes the "I'm a loser who posted a bio to an online dating service" feeling that rises up in me. No, it's two other things that cause that feeling: One, when he answers his companion, it's in this little "We represent the Lollipop Guild" voice. And, two, this loser opens his mouth and in that Munchkin voice brags that he's scheduled two dates for that evening and will have to do some juggling. (At this point, he mimes juggling.) Fucking loser.

I take a table near him and his companion. They're studying, so I don't get to hear much of the Lollipop Guild voice. I flip through the Aerostitch catalogue and simultaneously have fantasies of emailing this guy to tell him he's a loser and here's why. I decide that, karmically, I can't risk that kind of thing. I've answered three emails from guys from the dating service and plan to get together with two of them. The one I'm most interested in hasn't replied to my reply. I wonder what kind of losers they are and think about calling it all off.

Not For The Faint Hearted...

But I'm not going to. I'm going to meet at least one of those guys--if for no other reason than to have the practice at meeting guys.


retreat or surrender

More lies:
Waking Sleeping Demons II - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2011
Waking Sleeping Demons - Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011
time - Friday, May. 20, 2011
- - Wednesday, Oct. 06, 2010
The Return - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2010

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