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sublingua | |||||
| The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.) | The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.) | The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.) | |||
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Closer Than Most
Just Got Back I just got back from the gym, where I did an abbreviated upper body workout. The gym was crowded with the kind of teenaged boy I think I'm going to end up being, the kind of teenaged boy who can't get a date on a Friday night, so they go to the gym to work out... I did see the white version of Honolulu Fire Dept., this young man who works out with this focused intensity that I aspire to. I haven't crossed paths with this man, The Boy's Friend, but I was glad to see him at last. Last semester, I saw him at the gym all the time and we had gotten to that point where we acknowledged each other's presence with eye contact (which was relatively significant, as neither of us, neither he nor I, usually makes eye contact with anyone), but we never spoke to each other and then I stopped seeing him altogether. So, anyway, he was back tonight and he made a point it seemed of coming over near my bench to do his curls, then walking away, then coming back over near my bench. I turned in his direction to note his presence, but didn't make eye contact. The gym is so weird that way sometimes, you know? It's a bit strange to see someone day in and day out and to know their workout routine, to know something of their personality by how they work out, to have some respect for them based on their workout style, to know that they have some respect for you by how they either maintain or don't maintain a distance or make or don't make eye contact, but to never exchange a word with them. If I were getting a degree in anthropology, I'd make a study of this phenomenon, but as it is, I am just an amateur anthropologist. I make my amateur observations and marvel at the complexity of human behavior instead. Ride, Baby, Ride I took Frida out this afternoon into Friday traffic, just to start getting some practice at riding in traffic. I marvel at those riders who look so comfortable in traffic. Max and Judi both commented that I seem comfortable too, but I am still such a beginner that I am not entirely comfortable when drivers do things like pull up very close behind me or start to pull into my lane because half the lane is, to them, empty. I still get those shaky learning-to-drive-a-car-like nerves sometimes. And I welcome them. I welcome each reminder that I am a beginner and, as such, have to remain mindful of my environment. Will it ever become second nature, I wonder, to get on the bike and get out into traffic and think nothing of it? I don't know. I don't even know if I really want for it to be this way. I only know that right now it isn't and I am grateful. Max and Judi, Closer Than Most As we walked this morning, I told Judi about Max's going to visit his grandmother. (I miss Max.) We talked about her decline and about Judi's watching the decline and eventual death of each of her beloved parents. I talked to Max later and told him about this conversation after he had told me about how each of the now four visits he's made to his grandmother has gone. I'm so glad that Max has this opportunity to visit with his grandmother and to speak to her. She's ninety-eight and last month fell down the stairs in her house. She broke her wrist in several places and lay at the bottom of the stairs for about twelve hours before her daughter, Max's Aunt Nancy, came and found her. Now she's in a nursing home and Max has gone to see her. He said, with beautiful understanding, that "she's very close to being in a dreaming state all the time." I said, "Aren't we all?" He said, "She's closer than most."
More lies:
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