sublingua

The heart with a mind of its own.

(Be present.)

The mind with a heart of its own.

(It's past.)

The dream that is your waking life.

(Go there now.)

Part One: In Which Demons Commune With Nighthawks
Friday, Aug. 13, 2004

Part One: In Which Demons Commune With Nighthawks

Okay, so here's the deal on the motorcycle stuff:

I OWN A KAWASAKI NINJA 250R!!!!!!

I AM LICENSED TO DRIVE IT!!!!!

...and it's not yet insured, nor do I have a helmet, so I haven't yet ridden it...

So I had my last day of class yesterday--and we took the driving test at the end of class. I rode the bike I picked out on the first day, a sweet little Honda Nighthawk. She and I, by the end of the MSF course, were one. As the test began, I sat, waiting my turn for the dreaded U-turn test (you have to turn figure 8's in what seems like a shoebox-sized area using counterweighting and clutch control techniques--and of course I hadn't, in an hour's worth of practice time in the box (so to speak) not been able to do my figure 8's without going outside the line (a 3-point deduction) or reaching out to put my foot down (also 3-points). So we sat and had a bit of meditation-slash-self-talk together, me and my Nighthawk. We waited in line and I repeated to her, "We are one. We are going to take this box. We can do it. It's ours. It's ours." And we did. I pulled into the box and turned a perfect figure 8. While we paused to allow the examiners to set up the next portion of the test, one of the guys in the class (who had done a perfect series of figure 8's during practice, and one during his test) said to me in his Tennessee drawl, "Daaa-mn. You were perfect in the box. You used every inch in there." I replied, "I was one with the box. You give me a box and I'll show you how to use every inch of it, baby."

The next test included the dreaded curve. Now, I'll tell you, the day before, when we had learned the curve, some guy in the class (typical biker type, dirty, hairy, more tattoos than teeth--and the teeth looked to be not all his original teeth and were nicotine stained besides) had pulled his chopper up along side me after I had done my first ever (and completely lousy turn) and said, "Wow. You did really good." I was a bit annoyed, and said, "Nah. I screwed that one up." He said, "No, you're making us all look bad!" I laughed. On my next turn, I did just as badly as I had the first time. The guy again pulled alongside me and said, "That was good! Hey, what are you doing after class?" I thought, grrr. I said, "Oh, I have to go to work." He said, "Where do you work?" And I made something up, mentioning the name of the university where I last held a job. On my next turn, I did even worse. He pulled alongside again and said, "So what do you do at the university? I'm there too a lot." I said that I worked in a microbio lab, then, like an idiot, I asked him what he did. Turns out he's a stagehand from time to time. I said, "Oh." Then I pulled my next imperfect turn at the curve.

And I'll tell you, I don't know why this guy annoyed me so much. Maybe it was that "un-meant compliment-request for a date-questioning my answer" format of his conversational style. Maybe it was the more tattoos than teeth biker look. Who knows? All I know is that on test day, he was about four bikes in front of me in line, and I looked at his back and started to get really nervous and irked both. I started to remember the "Hey, baby, how you doin'?" thing and I started to get the feeling that that was going to fuck up my curve. So I sat there, stewing. Then I thought, you can't let this happen. You can't fuck up your driver's test because this guy got to you. I looked down at my Nighthawk, at her gorgeous black tank and the wide blue sky reflected in her gorgeous black tank and at me, at the center of that reflection. I looked down into all of that and I heard her say, "Ride away from it."

Which I instantly translated into: Sublingua, Run.

We sat in line, thinking, "You are strong. You are independent. Ride away. Get on your bike and ride away from all this." And in my head, I practiced it. I practiced that curve over and over. I practiced it over and over while repeating to myself: You are strong. You are independent. Ride away from it.

And we did. We rode away from it.

Perfectly.

(To be continued...)

retreat or surrender

More lies:
Waking Sleeping Demons II - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2011
Waking Sleeping Demons - Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011
time - Friday, May. 20, 2011
- - Wednesday, Oct. 06, 2010
The Return - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2010

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