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sublingua | |||||
| The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.) | The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.) | The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.) | |||
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Demon Melts Down Bakery
Happy Birthday, My Dearest Demon I should write about Max's birthday festivities, which, as Max is a hermit from way back, were quite mellow. I should write about what we did do and about the fabulous gift (only one of many) that I made for him, the fabulous Demon Freezing Kit. I should, but damn I'm tired. It was also Ladas's birthday today. He turned 28, and appropriately stayed home from work. (Unlike the stoic Max, who went in and left a whopping hour and a half early.) Knowing that Ladas would be embarrassed if I did anything more, I bought him a muffin (a terrific banana-cream cheese muffin from a local bakery) and stuck a birthday candle in it, wrote Happy Birthday on the bag, and, not knowing that he wasn't coming in, put it on his desk at work. (Don't worry, Ladas isn't coming in tomorrow to a stale muffin--I had Max pop it in the fridge when he told me that Ladas was pulling a birthday AWOL act.) Meltdown I had a slight meltdown in the bakery this evening when Max and I went out for a slice of birthday cake. We were standing in line, waiting to order, and I was already thinking that there was nothing but nothing that I could eat in the whole damn place. I had saved enough to have a cookie or something though, and really had every intention of going through with eating dessert. In front of us in line, however, were a gaggle of fat women. Now, I'm not trying to denigrate these women. I so, two years ago, would have killed to be the size of the largest of them (who was about a size 22-24). I seriously had given up on ever seeing size 24 again. And they were giggling and laughing and picking out their fatty, sugary slices of cake and pie, and as I watched, I found myself having one of those thoughts that I was sure that thin people would have had two years ago, if they had seen a three hundred and sixty-eight pound Sublingua ordering dessert in a bakery. I thought, Maybe you all should do your socializing at the gym and not at a fucking bakery. Then I caught myself. Then I thought, I fucking have to get out of here. I almost had a meltdown--not only at the thought of eating dessert and waking up in the morning as one of those women, but at the thought that I am such a horrible person as to look at a fat woman and think such a mean and horrible thing. By then, I had decided that we would not stay to eat dessert, and as I was trying to signal this decision to Max, we were suddenly at the head of the line. I ordered a decaf Americano and Max got a pastry--to go. We walked out, me fuming, angry at myself, angry at the situation, angry too at Max, who had tried to (as men are wont to do) solve the problem instead of just listening...and, god. I really am horrible, aren't I?
More lies:
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