sublingua

The heart with a mind of its own.

(Be present.)

The mind with a heart of its own.

(It's past.)

The dream that is your waking life.

(Go there now.)

The Demons Who Came Back
Tuesday, May. 25, 2004

Retro Venus, Or, Come Again?

Have all your ex-boy- and girlfriends been showing up on your doorstep? All those people you thought you were done with, that you had cleared from your life, from your psyche, from your existence? Have they been phoning? Emailing? Writing? Turning up when you least expect them? Yeah? Been wondering why?

Elizabeth�s first lover came into town for a visit over the weekend. The Demon Who Always Does The Right Thing has run into Ama, The Demon Ex-Grrlfriend, twice in the last week. The Aisho told me about his ex-girlfriend showing up on Saturday night. The Demon Grrlfriend got a call from the Baroness Roberta over the weekend. In the past week, I have been called or emailed by every friend I�ve shunned over the last several months (Magdalene and Richard, who was sitting on the front steps of the studio when I walked up yesterday and NicI and Ama and Mayflower and, and, and). And why?

Venus is retrograde, says Elizabeth the Astrologer. She says they�re coming back. They�re coming back so that you can work through those issues you thought you could walk away from by walking away from the person(s) you have the issues with. They�re coming back and this is your opportunity. And don�t think about locking your door and hiding out in your dank little apartment, because you have until the end of June until Venus gets back on track says Elizabeth.

So Just Deal With It

So my idea of dealing with things has a very large component of Run Away to it. I seriously would rather run than deal. That�s my MO. Barring that, I will stand and fight, using sarcasm, using a sense of humor which has a bite worse than its bark. I will also, quite gladly, resort to those underhanded tactics in which I use those weaknesses that others admitted to in weak or trusting moments to attack them when they least expect it. This is not a good habit, I know. But I am reminded of Aureliano Buendia�s father from One Hundred Years Of Solitude who says to a chess competitor, �I don�t understand the point of a game in which the participants agree to the rules.�

I don�t understand the point of a game, an argument, a competition (friendly or not) in which the participants agree to the rules. If you follow the rules and I don�t, that increases my chances of winning. And I like to win. I don�t cheat. I don�t try to make it look like I�m following the rules when I�m not. I�m seriously some kind of off-roader when it comes to a sport like�well, like anything, any game, competition, debate, argument. I don�t like rules, so I don�t follow them whenever I can.

It frustrates a lot of people when I do this. And you know what? I don�t care. I think that following the rules is the easy way out. I think that making up your own rules is harder, requires more thought, more self-awareness, more intensity, more willingness to look at a situation and more of an ability to see things as they are. You find more openings when you do this, and you�I�take them when I do find them.

And Speaking Of Openings�

I am grateful. I am grateful for the planets traveling backwards in such a way that they call back old friends and lovers and old enemies. I am grateful for the stationary bicycle at the gym. I am grateful. I am grateful for Max and for his forgiveness for my stupid mistakes. I am grateful for The Demon and for Ama and for The Demon Grrlfriend and for NicI and for the Aisho and for Elizabeth the Astrologer. I am grateful. I am grateful for Mayflower and for The Enforcer. I am grateful for x and Sophistica. I am grateful. I am grateful for Diane M. and for Richard, who is no longer with Karla. I am grateful for Martin and for dreams. I am grateful for dreams. I am grateful for dreams about sushi and cakes and for dreams about the future and the past. I am grateful. I am grateful for this time, for this opportunity, for this moment, for my life. I am grateful. I am grateful and this is how I show my humility. I am grateful and this is how I show my obedience.

retreat or surrender

More lies:
Waking Sleeping Demons II - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2011
Waking Sleeping Demons - Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011
time - Friday, May. 20, 2011
- - Wednesday, Oct. 06, 2010
The Return - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2010

� sublingua sublingua.diaryland.com.