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| The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.) | The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.) | The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.) | |||
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God's No Demons Rule: The Demon Who Closes Doors (Featuring The Vestiges of The Demon Who Thinks Too Much)
And what if I do just walk away? What if I just say that I don't want to put myself out there, don't want to suffer rejection? What if I just walk away? What is the price of doing that? What will is cost me, not just in the moment, but over time? What are the long-term ramifications of walking away from this? Because I think that is what I'm going to have to do. The recent lessons have all been about the various permutations or manifestations of protection. They began when Mayflower walked into the restaurant and handed me a gift of mace. And that got me started on guns, wanting a gun, a big gun. And then there was the breaking of things that were not important, but they broke in threes, the last including a gentle breaking of my back (what was this aspect of the lesson meant to be teaching me?). There was the book lent me by The Demon Who Always Does The Right Thing, which is all about how hurt anyone is behind the walls they built for protection. There was the need to be a bitch, to get attention, yes, but also to protect myself--in both cases because I like him so much. And then there's his vocation and his admission of having used his power for evil and not good (which seems to have changed, but can I trust myself to know that?). How does that relate to protection? What is he protecting? What am I supposed to know about what he's protecting? How am I supposed to deal with what he's protecting? God, just tell me the lesson. I'm having such a hard time figuring it out. We're both protecting, both trying to reveal. "You close a door to open a door. Do you understand?" --Aisho-san, trying to explain some aspect of aikido to me. Yes, Aisho, I do understand. That's the easy part, isn't it, understanding? It's easy to understand the cause and effect there. But what comes next is the difficult part. For me what comes next and what is difficult is determining whether any given door is closed or whether it's open. Is this an open door, Aisho-san? I want to know that it is, but I'm afraid I believe that it isn't.
More lies:
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