sublingua

(Be present.)

(It's past.)

(Go there now.)

In Your Dreams:

Dream about Matthew last night, the very last dream of the night. We were sitting at a table in a cafe together and I wasn't speaking to him. I was a bit afraid to speak to him. And then we started talking--very cautiously, very hesitantly. It was his voice, though, oddly. (I've had dreams about him before, but they've never incorporated his voice before. His voice, which is relatively distinctive, was always disguised somehow, as when he was an alien, or when he was the little boy with whom I played a board game.) We talked for a bit and I was struck in the dream by his insisting on some point (which I don't remember now).

Odd, too, when I went back to find the link to the dream, I was struck by the original moniker I picked for Matthew. Minuku-san. It's Japanese for "to look within," (and I intended it to characterize Matthew's extreme tendency towards a kind of useless self-scrutiny) or "to see through."

But I should've strayed a bit further afield in my Japanese dictionary perhaps, and instead called him miniku which means "hard to look at."

Updated to add:

Another dream last night, again the last of the night, with M. in it. In the beginning of the dream I was with an aunt (who I hate because she's a big fake) and an uncle (who is a heroin addict) in my grandmother's house. My aunt and uncle were trying to get me to do something that I wouldn't do. I went into the living room. Some woman was telling another woman how long she was going to live, at what age she was going to die. Matthew was sitting on the couch, watching a movie. The movie ended and he lit a cigarette and I leaned forward so that he could blow the smoke in my face. The dream ended then as I leaned back from that act.

The Demon Payback:

Ran into The Demon Who Always Does The Right Thing and The Demon Grrlfriend today. They were heading off to take a walk as the day has been fine, fine, fine. The Demon Grrlfriend brought up the Aisho-san and said that I had to get him over for some tequila and a carp tattoo viewing. Which I am completely willing to do, only, you know, not. And that so wasn't the point of my story. The point of my story was that The Demon informed me, somewhat mischieviously, that Old Navy had placed a skirt that I liked on sale for $5.99. And then, twenty minutes later, I was pulling the skirt on in the Old Navy dressing room. It was not the exact skirt I had liked, but something similar in black corduroy, but the markdown (to $4.97) was sweet enough. And, (drumroll, please) it was a size 10. I fit into a size 10, people. Rejoice.

But I didn't buy the skirt. I haven't worn a skirt in years, and I'm not about to start just because I'm a size 10 and have $4.97 in my pocket.

I think I'll celebrate on Sunday with a--you guessed it--Aisho-san viewing.