sublingua

The heart with a mind of its own.

(Be present.)

The mind with a heart of its own.

(It's past.)

The dream that is your waking life.

(Go there now.)

The Demon Who Bitches and Compains (And Then Flashes The Winning Smile)
Saturday, Feb. 14, 2004

I am having hellacious sugar cravings. (Stress? PMS? My crazy body trying to kill me? It�s always a toss up.)

Went to the gym this afternoon and (duh) worked out. I have started trying to do more cardio, which meant half an hour on the elliptical trainer today after working out my legs. I don�t really enjoy doing cardio, but it�s become easier since I quit smoking (and had Max burn me a copy of the last Outkast). Anyway, after finishing, my legs were kind of tired and I was feeling a bit crazy as I hadn�t eaten very much beforehand.

I have also started to have to watch the �tude at the gym. The other night, I was at a weight bench and some guy who was lifting sans a weight bench figured he could just sort of rest between his sets by sitting at the end of my weight bench. And it kind of pissed me off. I mean, why did he pick my bench to sit? Partly I think it was because it was relatively close to where he was lifting. But also I think it was because all the other benches were in use by guys. And that pissed me off, so I said in some really snotty voice, �Uh, I�m trying to lift here.� And he was, like, �Oh, sorry.� I don�t think it even registered why he did what he did, but it was clear to me that that he figured he�d pick the bench being used by the only chick who was lifting and not step on some guy�s territory. But some chick? Well, she�s not really serious about this. And that kind of thing? Makes me fucking crazy. But it happens all the time. Like one afternoon, I loaded up the leg press and then walked off to go to the bathroom, and when I came back, these two guys were looking for the person using the machine. As I approached, I watched as they looked around and then asked Mr. Kissy-Kiss (so named because I once saw him surreptitiously kiss his own bicep) if he was using the machine. And I came up and informed them that it was loaded for me. One of them asked how many sets I had to do and then I heard these words come out of my mouth: �I�m just starting, so I�ll be about five minutes. If that�s okay.� And I could have kicked my own ass for asking these guys if it was okay if I used the machine they wanted to use. But anyway, I have started to be kind of bitchy about these things and have similarly started trying to monitor my own bitchiness to make sure that it�s applied in an appropriate manner. And that isn�t easy, because I�ll tell you, it�s pretty easy to get carried away by bitchiness, especially when guys don�t seem to take women at the gym very seriously.

And it�s not like I take women at the gym very seriously either. I mean, they seem�at the university�s gym anyway�to be a bunch of wimps. They come in full makeup and dressed in these cutesy little outfits�tight shorts rolled down on their hips and sports bras and often nothing else�and they lift their five pound weights or they only use the machines that work their glutes and they answer their cell phones or preen in the mirrors or they sit on the machines and gossip and just generally get in the way of people who are actually trying to work out. So, yeah, I don�t take them too seriously either�because they�re not there to be taken seriously. They�re there to show off. But me? I�m there to lift heavy shit and get strong. So it pisses me off when some guy thinks I�m there to get checked out or to warm his bench until he�s ready to lift.

And I should stop complaining because I don�t want to complain. I think it�s just my blood sugar dropping or something.

Anyway, Max is at the studio right now. I should be there too, clearing off my shelves. I�m leaving the studio, which is a bit sad, but only a bit, as I haven�t done any work in a really long time. And I keep paying (or Max does anyway) for the studio space that I�m not using and it�s been a huge waste of money these past few months. But I did go in tonight and take pictures of my shelf at the studio for posterity, and I�ll post them tomorrow. But for now, here are a couple of pictures for you to admire:

That is what Max called my "winning smile." (I was on the way to the drug company interview that day.)Too much gum if you ask me.

And here I am with my beloved Max:

retreat or surrender

More lies:
Waking Sleeping Demons II - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2011
Waking Sleeping Demons - Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011
time - Friday, May. 20, 2011
- - Wednesday, Oct. 06, 2010
The Return - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2010

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