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| The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.) | The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.) | The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.) | |||
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The Handy Demon
God, is it wrong of me to want nothing more out of life right now than to be communing with the New Sex Toy? I think I have masturbated more in the last 24 hours than I did all last month. And I finally used the vibrator feature on the new toy this afternoon. I don�t usually use vibrators (even if the toy has a vibrator) because I think they�re desensitizing and I like to stay as sensitive as possible. But they�re certainly quicker than the hand and time was of the essence this afternoon. The orgasms are quicker, but not as satisfying with a vibrator. In fact, this afternoon, it was quick enough that I came twice in the twenty minutes or so that I had to play�and with a minimum of fantasy time (which I�m still up in the air about in terms of its being a benefit to masturbation). I like to fantasize though while I�m masturbating. It�s solo foreplay�that is, it�s absolutely necessary. In fact, Magdalene and I were talking yesterday about the whole fantasy aspect of masturbation. She says she likes to have long, elaborate fantasies in which she imagines all the thoughts and words that participants say to one another, whereas I focus mostly on intensely sexual and depersonalized (and often quite inappropriate) images. Lately, though, I�ve been fantasizing about someone I know, a man who I�ve never been in bed with (but would in a minute). I have been engaging in somewhat longer (for me) fantasies in which we�re in bed together. I know him well enough to imagine quite well what the experience would be like and it�s been oddly personal. (Thank goodness I don�t see this man on a daily basis, because then I�m sure I�d get embarrassed trying to hold a normal conversation with him, after all the fantasy fucking we�ve done.) Anyway, the vibrator sort of lends itself to fantasizing about fucking men (versus women), but with the hand? Well, anything goes really. Which is why I generally prefer using my hand really. I like variety and the penis-shaped object limits that. And the new body is clamoring for a new lover. The longest times I ever went without sex was when I was with Max, but when we weren�t together, I never went longer than four months between partners. And it�s already been almost seven months since I�ve been with anyone. (And no one in the December incident counts as far as I�m concerned, as there was no reciprocity involved. It was just a kind of servicing arrangement in which no one really got serviced sadly.) Updated to add: Ha! A Google search for "'world's ugliest woman' photo" led someone to my humble little diary. Beware, you Google searchers! I am truly hideous...ha-ha-ha! (God, I hope no one ever Google searches for a"glow-in-the-dark penis, 7-in.")
More lies:
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