sublingua

The heart with a mind of its own.

(Be present.)

The mind with a heart of its own.

(It's past.)

The dream that is your waking life.

(Go there now.)

The Demon Who Patrols the Borders of Angst
Wednesday, Jan. 21, 2004

It�s the second day of school.

Here is the diary entry from the paper diary:

Walked behind myself on the way to campus this morning. Walked behind the struggling fat chick in size 30 pants, with nondescript hair, plain brown coat. Wrote �myself� on my hand to remind me of it. Felt? Don�t want to admit that I felt sympathy or sorry for her. (Which was it?) That was me and I used not to be able to have sympathy for myself.

Strange dreams last night.

Am meeting Mayflower and Mel for coffee in a bit.

Am not getting enough sleep. I wake up enough to snooze the alarm. This goes on for several hours every morning.

Woke but didn�t want to go to class this a.m. Kept trying to think of a way out. The lessons this week all seem to be about finishing what you start, but how does this mesh with already having graduated?

heartsick, jealous, nervous, angry(?), stressed, overwhelmed, lonely

I did go to class this morning: A biochem class I�m trying to yellow card into. I�m not thrilled that I didn�t have the foresight to register for it earlier, long before the class filled up. But I was being flaky about school as usual, and so didn�t. The lecturer is not a talented lecturer, but it will be bearable, I think. If I can get in.

After, there was microbial physiology with Sophistica�s old lab daddy. He is known for never making eye-contact with a student if he can help it. I sat in the first row of the lecture hall, and lo-and-behold, he made eye contact a whopping five times. (I�ve decided that the game I�ll play in his class is to make a tick mark in the corner of my notes every time he makes eye contact. I used to do a similar thing with a professor who used the word �ultimately� a lot. One day he said �ultimately� twenty-three times. I�ve also been known to keep track of a professor�s clothing, so that each day�s lecture notes begin with a description of what he or she was wearing that day.) And not only did he make lots (for him) of eye-to-eye contact, but he also made eye-to-cleavage contact another three or four times, a number I consider a personal triumph.

After class, I ran into Mayflower and x and we went over to Starbucks for coffee. Mayflower brought a woman that she works with in the molecular facility and then proceeded to tell the story about how, when we first met, she hated me because I was so loud. (Which is true: I am very loud. I hated Mayflower in turn because she had all these weird little self-protective mechanisms in place which led her to be very suspicious of me even aside from the din that I create in any given space.) We chatted for only a very little bit before it was time for them to go off to work and for x and I to go and meet Mel for coffee. Mel was meeting her friend Syd, so we went along and pretended that we were cool enough, x and I, to hang out with all the subculture kids who obligingly fulfilled my second-hand smoke quota for the day.

I called Magdalene to make a later-in-the-week coffee date, went with Mel to the bookstore and bought nothing as my quant text was sold out, met up with Max and came home. I did get to chat a bit with Ladas after dropping Max off at work. Ladas told the story of his son�s recent fourth birthday party, a Spongebob Squarepants ordeal complete with pi�ata.

Be grateful, Sublingua. These are your friends and you love them. This is the time to be grateful.

retreat or surrender

More lies:
Waking Sleeping Demons II - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2011
Waking Sleeping Demons - Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011
time - Friday, May. 20, 2011
- - Wednesday, Oct. 06, 2010
The Return - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2010

� sublingua sublingua.diaryland.com.