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sublingua | |||||
| The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.) | The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.) | The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.) | |||
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The Demon Who Dreams
The Sophistica jealousy dream has stayed with me. I spoke with Sophistica about it, all the time resisting an interpretation, but it has stayed in my head. I finally spoke with Max about it, trying to use him as a sounding board for what it could possibly mean. Of course, a complete interpretation is beyond the scope of the online journal, but I will say that one thing I finally figured out was that I had been split in two in the dream. It sounds strange grammatically, but Sophistica and I were both me. It�s not unusual for me to have dreams in which I am two people. What is unusual about this dream is that I couldn�t see it. In the dream, I had a very characteristic response to a situation that made me jealous: I was not myself. I was not the person I want to be because I was jealous. I was angry and vindictive. I was violent. I was hateful. And because I am (in life) and was (in the dream) trying not to be this person, I turned the violence, the vindictiveness, the anger inward. By attacking Sophistica, I was attacking myself. Because I refuse to be the kind of person that will turn those negative things outward, I become the kind of person that turns them inward. I was isolated in the dream, Sophistica and I, in her hotel room. It was a strange room, unfamiliar in that way that familiar way that all hotel rooms are unfamiliar, but not anonymous in the way all hotel rooms are anonymous. It was cluttered and close with unfamiliar articles, clothes and books and sundry things. Because in dreams, rooms of any kind are a metaphor for the mind, I found myself dreamwise battling jealousy out in my head by battling Sophistica in isolation. She was indifferent to my violence and anger however, and I don�t wonder if that doesn�t have to do with the success (or lack of success, of course) with which I battle jealousy. It�s either that, or she was one response I have to jealousy (to make myself indifferent to what is causing the jealousy) and I was the other (to react with violence and anger). The whole thing is related to a very specific situation, one that, as I said, I will not elaborate on in the online journal, so as not to give the Demons, even the most insignificant of them, ammunition to prevent their wrangling. I wrangle them in private. And then dream about it later.
More lies:
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