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| The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.) | The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.) | The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.) | |||
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An Incidental, Coincidental Demon Named Rebecca
Rebecca Rebecca lives on the East coast. I called and introduced myself. She was very upbeat and outgoing. She said, �So you want to know about Matthew? Well, let me tell you.� She told me. I took six pages of notes. Page one: �When I knew him, he was an atheist, a major alcoholic, didn�t believe in evolution. Can you believe it? How could someone not believe in evolution? He told me that the devil planted all the fossil evidence to fool us and that carbon dating was a hoax.� [We laughed together over that.] �God, don�t ever date anyone who doesn�t believe in evolution.� M staying over a lot his parents�he couldn�t go home, kicked him out because he stayed over they said because he had alcohol in their house early 20�s, paying rent at his parent's house moved in �felt like I needed his income/credit history to get a 2 bedroom apartment� �I wanted a roommate� feeling obsessed with moving; w/ him; needed his rental or credit history got apartment roommates (�We were just roommates.�) �he had real passive-aggressive tendencies�: was depressed �tried to bring me down� color of my hair story (she was looking in the mirror one day and commented to him that she liked the color of her hair, how yellow it was; he said, �it�s brown.�) "it was not so much what he said as the tone of his voice" Went to Vegas: too hung-over to ride roller coasters, had to drive home [the story here was that Matthew was sick from drinking so much in Vegas that they had to leave early] did hit him once never waved a gun around [discussion about what kind and how many guns she owned, the details of which Matthew had gotten wrong, therefore his story about this too must be wrong ] Page Two: he bought a car�"an old piece of shit, did he tell you this?��to drive it off a cliff and kill himself R. let him �borrow� one of her guns because he wanted to use it to commit suicide: �well, actually I gave it to him because he wanted to kill himself, and I was, like, that�s your right, I respect that.� �he had, like, $800 in his checking account� emptied out the account and gave it to her went up to Sandias R. got worried that he might kill himself and no one would find his body, called his parents, they �got suspicious� M. sat up on the mountain, 2-3 hours, "with the gun in his mouth", couldn�t pull the trigger, walked back to his parents� house parents were angry at R. �Did he tell you about his dad�s stomach thing?� �It was bitter at the end.� R. was going to pay someone to break one of his bones and his nose. Decided it was not worth the trouble. 1st big fight� R. was sick, M ate some of her food, �pissed me off� M unapologetic and mean about it �I didn�t threaten him. I did try to intimidate him.� R. �I was molested� beaten [by father?] father had just died, she wanted sympathy from M. M: �You have no idea what suffering is.� R. hit him, apologized. �I am so sorry.� M: �Whore.� �Nothing bad ever happened to him.� �Someone punched him in the face once.� M. moved out, back to his parent's house; his parents talked him into moving back in with her. Page Three: he didn�t have a key M got into the apartment through the garage and took his stuff paid rent through term of lease some of bills were in his name� "We met in a Village Inn" �his dad made me sign this stupid paper� or they wouldn�t give her the key back [talked about his parents, how they seemed really nice at first, but then turned �ugly, nasty� �They were ugly, nasty people.�] �I was so pissed, the way they were treating me� his dad was being really nasty, nastier than him (M) was supposed to change the electric bill into her name but he never did it she couldn�t pay �because my name wasn�t Matthew� [interjects story about how he used to masturbate while watching ER I asked if there was an actress on the show he liked. She laughed at me in a way that led me to believe that it was more the situations on the show that were the turn on for him.] R. bitter towards him and his father; claims to have placed hexes on people, caused their deaths, wanted to do this to M�s father M. was �emotionally abusive� silent treatment lived together 6 months [When I asked, how did you meet him?] �met him at a strip club� 1st at Icehouse, then at TDs �he gave me a lot of money for dances� Page Four: [When I asked, what attracted you to him?] not his intelligence, �he didn�t really seem all that intelligent to me� �we really didn�t have a lot of conversations about things� R. thought he was �cute and I wanted to fuck him� it was good sex, �even though he was missing something in his personality� wouldn�t make eye contact, didn�t have any passion, just some technical skills �He was depressed and I wanted to save him, fix him, help him.� He was like �Caesar-light� [referring to a boyfriend she had later, Caesar (sp?) who beat her]--emotionally abusive as opposed to physically abusive Page Five: R. told him, �You�ve going to respect me or I�m going to make you respect me.� �I�m sure I fucked him up a little bit.� Asked me if I thought she had. �I kicked him out of my life.� �He�s broken. Did I break him?� [asking me. �No,� I said, �I think he was broken when you found him.� �When I first started dating him,� a friend told her, �Run away.� [R. asked if he had dated anyone else, I told her about another dancer, no details, just again that it had ended badly ] �So he�s still there, doing the same things over and over again.� [When I asked if they had a monogamous relationship] laughter. �I was sleeping with other people. He was monogamous.� Page Six: [After looking for a book in which she keeps track of every man she ever had sex with, �but not the women; women don�t count really. Oh, here he is. No, that�s a different Matt. Oh, look, there was some other guy named Matt before him. I�m really slutty.� She read me the entry for Matthew:] �Matthew #18 "a dark moon" June 26, 1998 He was 21 met at Ice House 6�4 "was in love with me since at least the beginning of Feb." "at first he was kind of worshipful of me" [then, continuing to read the overlapping entries, read me a list of names of other men she slept with while she was dating/living with Matthew: Wes ("one-night stand"), Bill (�typical satanic guy�), Shane (�three stars. seven inch penis�), Noble (sp?), some guy she talked to on the phone for two hours then invited over for sex. I didn�t write down the others.] Rebecca asked if I knew �what had happened to him.� Meaning, I suppose, that she wanted me to tell her about Matthew's other relationships. I dodged the question. I didn�t tell her anything that Matthew had said that didn�t go along with the story that she was telling me. I told her that he had once said that he had been with her because she was "willing."
Magdalene called Rebecca then�she had tried me twice�Magdalene: �She won�t let you get a word in edgewise to take another call.� Rebecca told me that Magdalene needed to talk to me. �But listen,� said Rebecca,� It seems like we have a real connection. I�d like it if you called me back so that we can talk some more.� I said, �I really enjoyed talking to you too.� Which was a total fucking lie.
More lies:
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