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sublingua | |||||
| The heart with a mind of its own.(Be present.) | The mind with a heart of its own.(It's past.) | The dream that is your waking life.(Go there now.) | |||
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my heart is
the neo's real name is matthew. i am still in love with him. i left my husband to chase him, and it turned out to be a mistake, but i still love him and i still want him, and i still want him to want me. and as far as his decision to be out of my life, i know it's one that he made without conviction. and i know too that a certain amount of that knowledge may be delusional, but i still see a kind of--what?--regard perhaps in his eyes. i still know that he looks for me when he enters a room that i might be in. i know that he tracks my movements. i know that because i've seen him do it. i've felt his eyes on me (i can feel them because his eyes are so expressive and because it was by looking at me that he used to touch me. it was the only way that we could touch each other. the only way we ever did touch each other.) but as much as i still love him, as much as i still want him, he makes me doubt myself, too. he makes me wonder if the passion i used to see (and the yearning i see now) wasn't/isn't just all in my imagination. why is he doing this? why, on the day that i decide to walk away, does he approach me, try to make eye-contact, try to speak to me? doesn't he know that my heart is-- my heart is. my heart is. it's breakable. but it's strong, too, i suppose. i want him, but if i never have him, i will survive. i want him, and he wants me, but if it never happens, my heart will go away, broken, but will come back stronger. it always has. it always will. but i still want him. i want him to want me. does he want me?
More lies:
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