sublingua

The heart with a mind of its own.

(Be present.)

The mind with a heart of its own.

(It's past.)

The dream that is your waking life.

(Go there now.)

Catching Mr. Man
Saturday, May. 17, 2003

Up last night reading old paper diaries. Turns out that the early 20's, not so conducive to happiness really. I used to be so trapped and used to struggle with it. (Which is different from now, how? I'm not nearly so miserable now. I know myself a bit better now. Things seem as though they could be okay now.)

I did, however, run across some personal ads that I wrote one day after having an hilarious conversation with my friend Dena (who calls personal ads "seekings"). Purely as a writerly exercise, of course, I wrote the following:

Embittered, angry, man-loving feminist seeks nurturing, non-gender-fied male for serious, serious relationship. I like the usual things, but I love the unusual things. I am already in a committed but non-monogamous relationship. You will be for sexual gratification only. I will pretend not to know you when we meet in public. Your delusions of grandeur will not be humored. I am witty, you be too, please.

or

Grammatically (but not politically) correct man-loving feminist seeks non-macho, nurturing male for overly serious relationship first, friendship later. You should consider yourself lucky that nothing about me is proportionate, especially my personality and sense of loyalty. I am bitter enough for the both of us.

or

Single--mostly--non-huera feminista seeks machismo-less huero for entirely personal reasons. You should be willing to question your own cultural assumptions and, if necessary, find them lacking. Only the most vaguely spiritual need apply.

or

Single minority woman, defier of stereotypes, seeks white supremacist capitalist, preferably traditionally educated. Object: colonization.

or

Fearless woman, 29, seeks opportunity. This will not interfere with my search for a single white male. I hate television, sports, jewelry. I love gossip, arguing, soft drinks. No member of clubs that would have them as members need apply.

or

Disorganized overachiever seeks laid-back striver. Object: balance. Adrenaline junkies, sexy grandpas, professional wrestling aficionados need not apply. I don't care how you feel about your mother.

or

Do the things you do with your eyes closed outnumber the things you do with you eyes open? If yes, skip this ad. If no, know me. I am a well-read, eye wide-open dreamer, dangerous on the outside, dangerous on the inside. If you want comfortable, call your mother.

or

29-year-old chemist who harbors a desire to be a soft porn star seeks devout Catholic elementary school principle for dinner, dancing, more? I am clean and discrete.

or

Has your ambition outstripped your identity? Does your wardrobe define your personality? If yes, you are not of my tribe. I am smart, fast, funny. You are talented, well read, excitable. Clueless helps. No blondes.

or

Are you satisfied with your level of dissatisfaction towards your life? Do you discount astrology yet read your horoscope religiously? Are you looking for a woman who will fulfill your every desire? I am not that woman, but I will gladly prepare you to know that woman when you do meet her.

or, perhaps my favorite, the unfinished:

Love women? I could be your ideal. 29, harried--

retreat or surrender

More lies:
Waking Sleeping Demons II - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2011
Waking Sleeping Demons - Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011
time - Friday, May. 20, 2011
- - Wednesday, Oct. 06, 2010
The Return - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2010

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