The heart with a mind of its own.

(Be present.)

The mind with a heart of its own.

(It's past.)

The dream that is your waking life.

(Go there now.)

25 through 50
Thursday, Oct. 31, 2002

26. I like to lay in bed all day and read.

27. Gabriel Garcia-Marquez is my favorite writer.

28. I sleep on a futon that I never turn and it is all squished flat, but still very comfortable.

29. I love to use fountain pens, though I haven't used one in a long while.

30. I am not a creature of habit. Routines make me crazy. I think this is one of my greatest shortcomings.

31. My earliest memory is of being punched in the face by my younger brother. It left me with a fat lip and an indelible memory.

32. I like the smell of pine trees.

33. I was a girl scout for many, many years. I hated selling cookies. Hated it. Even now, I cringe whenever I see scouts selling cookies. I was never any good at it.

34. My mother was a respiratory therapist when I was growing up.

35. My father was a baker.

36. My first real job--the job which I had to use to support myself--was as a waitress. I got the job when my best friend committed suicide and they needed someone to take his place. I was terrible at it. I hated it. Then, I did it for another ten years.

37. I give terrible directions. I can't tell north from south from east from west.

38. I like to read. It is the reason I exist some days. I have a houseful of books and a bed full of books and a head full of books.

39. I hate shopping.

40. I learned to swim about four years ago, but I never get to do it. I wish I could swim more often.

41. I like cottage cheese and peaches. Fresh peaches, diced up and mixed in.

42. I grew up in a yard that had a quince tree. Quince trees are very strange things, but I love the smell of rotting quince now because of it.

43. I alluded to my best friend having committed suicide. That was sixteen or seventeen years ago. His name was Robert. I still miss him and still dream of him.

44. My favorite color is green. Green like envy. Green like money.

45. I will end my life voluntarily. I have known this since I was about eight years old.

46. My biggest fear is that I will never get anywhere in life.

47. I suffer from depression (can you tell just by reading this?). I take Zoloft, but mostly that just takes away all of my feelings. It doesn't actually do anything about depression. It just makes you not care about anything.

48. I hate cinnamon.

49. And licorice.

50. And celery.

retreat or surrender

More lies:
Waking Sleeping Demons II - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2011
Waking Sleeping Demons - Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011
time - Friday, May. 20, 2011
- - Wednesday, Oct. 06, 2010
The Return - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2010